I'm going to jail i love you
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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