Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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