i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
