It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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