hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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