3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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