So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
