It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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