Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
My vagina is officially offended.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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