so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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