Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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