On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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