i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
