How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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