OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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