Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
