I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
