omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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