There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
