I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
