i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
