We're like a lot better than the average bears
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
