I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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