I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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