just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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