Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
