every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
