Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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