note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
