you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
