I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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