grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
