i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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