That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
