my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
