Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize