At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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