I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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