she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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