You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
