Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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