Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
