Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm at about main and main street
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
