I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
