Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
