The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
