I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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