i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
