You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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