Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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