A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
