I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
