So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
