Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize