what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
