If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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