After last night, I could never be a politician.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
