One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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