After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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