i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
