My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
