nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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