And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
